These are funny out of office messages for people who are tired, away, or simply not doing this right now. Copy one, paste it, and log off.
The standard out-of-office message says you have “limited access to email.” Everyone knows that’s not true. You have full access to email. What you have limited access to is the will to answer it.
Here are fourteen out of office messages that are closer to the truth. Some are safe for work. Some are safe for a workplace you’re already leaving. Use your judgment, which I realize is the thing you’re low on.
Safe to actually use
1. The honest one
Thanks for your email. I’m out until [date] and I’m not checking messages. I’ll reply when I’m back. If it can’t wait, [name] can help.
2. The gentle boundary
I’m away and fully offline until [date]. Your email is safe here. It’s just going to sit for a bit.
3. The expectations manager
I’m out until [date]. When I’m back I’ll have a lot of these to get through, so if you don’t hear from me by [date + 3], please send it again. I won’t be offended.
4. The triage
I’m out of the office. If this is urgent, contact [name]. If it’s urgent but only to you, it’ll keep.
5. The short one
Away until [date]. Back then. Thanks for waiting.
Use with caution
6. The low battery
I’m currently at 4% and have been placed on the charger. Normal function is expected to resume [date].
7. The cat’s fault
I’m out of the office. My cat has been left in charge of this inbox. He can’t read, and he wouldn’t help you if he could. Back [date].
8. The scenic route
I’m away and looking at something that isn’t a screen. I’ve been told this is good for me. I’ll report back on [date].
9. The queue
Your email is important to me. It is currently number 212 in the queue. Estimated wait time: until [date].
10. The self-aware one
I’m on vacation and trying very hard not to check this. If I reply before [date], please don’t encourage me.
11. The software update
I’m installing updates. Do not turn me off or unplug me. This may take until [date].
For your drafts folder only
12. The truth
I’m not out of the office. I’m at my desk. I just can’t right now.
13. The callback
Per my last email, I’m away.
14. The emotionally unavailable
I’m out of the office and, in a broader sense, unreachable. I’ll be back at work on [date]. The other thing I’m still working on.
The part where I get sincere for a second
The joke in all of these is the same: we set an out-of-office message and then answer email anyway. From the beach. From the couch. From a waiting room.
If you’re running low, the message is only half of it. The other half is not opening the inbox. Number one on this list is the one I’d actually use, because it says the important part plainly: I’m not checking messages. Then don’t.
Syntax has never set an out-of-office message in his life. He just leaves the room. Nobody questions it.
You’re not broken. You’re just tired. Set the message and log off.
How to pick from these out of office messages
The best out of office messages do two jobs: they say when you’re back, and they say who to bother instead. Everything after that is tone. If your workplace has a sense of humor, the middle section is fair game. If it doesn’t, stick to the first five. Either way, the point of a break is recovery. The World Health Organization describes burnout as what happens when chronic workplace stress goes unmanaged, and an inbox you keep checking from the beach counts as unmanaged.
If any of this sounds like your week, the creative burnout guide is the long version, and the Dispatch is the short one that shows up in your inbox.